How to Receive Without Feeling Guilty

Justine Baruch
September 9, 2024
1:59 am

I was finishing a final session with a client and shared what a pleasure it was to work with her and how grateful I was to have gotten to be her coach.

When I shared what I admired and appreciated about her and how enjoyable it was to have her as a client, she immediately started to compliment me back.

I slowed her down and said “wait a minute” because I knew she struggled to receive.

“I’m going to try that again and I want you to just breathe in while I express my love for you, and with each inhale feel my adoration land in your body.”

As she slowed down she said “Wow, this is really uncomfortable.” She was having trouble allowing herself to simply receive the compliments. In this moment, she was becoming aware of how the desire to immediately give a compliment back was a way to run from the vulnerability and discomfort of receiving.

So we created space for her to feel into what was coming up and did some reprogramming there on the spot. I repeated the words and then she took a breath in and let the love and admiration land in her body. She acknowledged and was able to work through the other things that were surfacing when she didn’t create a diversion by returning the compliment.

Being able to receive isn’t something we’re often taught as women. In fact, we’re rewarded for giving and doing all the time. When I say receive, what I mean is the ability to accept someone’s help, accept a compliment, or accept and allow kindness.

Receiving is the gateway to our feminine essence and it’s a way for your partner to feel connected to you and an opportunity for him to be in his masculine.

Many men have shared with me that when their women receive their compliments, gestures, support and advice, they are left feeling fully appreciated and want to do more.

If you’re a woman reading this article, it will teach you a simple set of practices to become a better receiver in your relationship. If you can shift your capacity to receive on an embodied level, everything in your life will transform as a result. When you learn how to receive better, you will have a softer, intimate, and more harmonious dynamic in your relationship.

1. Open Up and Let it In

If someone approaches you to help out, offers to take something off your plate, or gives you a compliment, the first thing to do is stop and feel the love and support land in your body.

Actually take the time to pause for a second. Take a deep breath in. Let your breath guide your attention into your body and imagine the compliment flowing into your being and landing in your heart.

Notice and stop yourself from popping out of the moment to deflect the vulnerability of receiving, either by repaying a compliment in return or by minimizing the kindness of the gesture.

Simply say thank you and receive the compliment or attempt to help, fully.

Open yourself up to receive.

Common ways women avoid receiving a compliment are by deflecting or discounting it: such as immediately giving a compliment right back or by talking about how they’ve gained weight or how their clothes are so old.

Another way women avoid the vulnerability of receiving is by over-doing and over-giving. For many years I did this. While my desire to give was sincere, there was also an unconscious agenda happening to avoid the vulnerability of receiving. I felt more comfortable and safe in the giving role.

When I realized my man didn’t enjoy being in a relationship with someone who was always doing all the work, all the time, and instead wanted to feel my softness and femininity, I realized I needed to expand my capacity to receive and get myself out of constant do-mode. I started to work on allowing others (like my partner) to help me and embrace more of my radiance when others reflected it back through compliments.

Building in mindfulness practices and slowing down my life allowed me to be more conscious of all the opportunities life was giving me to receive.

Breath and body awareness we in more deeply to intimate moments and not run from the vulnerability of receiving.

2. Visualize Becoming Someone Able to Receive

When it comes to being able to receive, you might be the biggest obstacle. Your inability or discomfort in receiving is probably coming from your programming or your wounding. The good news is, that you have the ability to turn this around.

So much can come up in the face of allowing help in, while it may be uncomfortable, when you lean in and move through it there is a beautiful opportunity for deeper healing, which will then result in deeper intimacy and connection with the people around you, especially with your partner.

A lot of the work I do with my clients in Adored is helping them to improve their ability to receive. After going through the what’s, how’s and why’s women block receiving and releasing the deeper wounding and programming, one of the practices they do to retrain their brain and nervous system to learn how to receive and feel safe receiving is visualization.

Notice the areas where it is hard for you to receive, and imagine yourself graciously receiving. What does it look like? How do you feel? How do you hold and move your body? What do you say? What do you hear from the other person? Literally the play scene over and over in your mind and feel the effects of this other way of being in your body.

Imagine yourself having the courage and confidence to ask for help cleanly, clearly, and directly. Imagine your requests are well received by your partner with love and warmth. Picture a day when you and your partner have made asking and fulfilling each other’s desires such a practice that he can start to anticipate your needs before you even have to ask and how that feels in your body to be taken care of on such a deep level.

Imagine yourself confidently receiving a compliment from a man or a friend and allow it to fully land in your body and open you up. See yourself responding with a smile and saying ‘thank you.’

Your brain doesn’t know the difference between imagined versus real, so this is a simple, yet powerful practice to rewire your brain.

In Adored, I support my clients in creating detailed visions that powerfully imprint themselves upon the subconscious mind. It is amazing to watch them become fully embodied with the sincere belief that they are worthy of receiving help, love, and support in their relationships.

3. Act As If

What would it be like going through the day acting like a woman who knows she’s worthy and deserving of receiving all her desires?

How does she spend her time? How does she respond when someone gives her a compliment or offers her help? What does it look like when someone offers her something? How does she show up for herself?

Now that you’ve tapped into more body awareness, have envisioned a life full of gracious receiving, it’s time to act the part and take on the identity of a gracious, receptive woman even further.

One of the ways to do this is to create a persona for yourself and play it out. A persona of the type of woman who is confident, open, and receptive.

If you have a hard time seeing yourself as that person. Think of someone that you look up to, observe how they are and then start to model their behavior.

If you find yourself in a situation where you’ve withdrawn or acted small in the past, what if you allowed your new persona to take over and be in the driver’s seat instead. The persona that is open, receptive, and others feel great in the presence of. The persona that finds gratitude in each interaction and stays open to receive the gifts of each moment.

The more you can start to retrain yourself to take different actions and implement new behaviors, the more this identity solidifies and becomes part of who you are.

Everything is Impacted By Your Ability to Receive

I want to say it again, it is so important to practice receiving, especially in your relationship. Everything is impacted by your ability to receive. Remember, part of the essence of femininity is to receive. When you receive graciously, when your partner gets to see and feel that he’s made a difference in your life and feels appreciated, it enhances the spark in your relationship.

Practice connecting to your breath and body. Open yourself to feel the sensations of others paying attention to you and wanting to be supportive. Visualize what a life looks like when you and your partner are in real union and flow. Giving, receiving, and moving together in harmony. Embody the identity of a woman who receives with ease and grace and who acts the part.

If you want to explore the topic of receiving more, check out my Masterclass ‘Stop Blocking, Start Receiving.’ During this class you will learn:

How you are blocking yourself from receiving the very things you want
How not receiving is actually a way of emasculating your man
Why your partner doesn’t take more action
How to open yourself to receive more
Why women struggle to receive

And for those who want to go even deeper, I have an entire module on receiving in Adored, my online group program for women. Where you learn the why’s and how’s behind our behavior and uncovering our blocks to receiving fully will have a huge impact on the quality of our relationships and dating experiences with men.

Adored is full of life changing content, coaching, and tools to help you stop pushing away your partner so that you can build a foundation of deep intimacy, trust, and communication. Join the waitlist to join my upcoming group cohort here.

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Why Women Struggle to Receive and How Men Can Help

September 23, 2024 No Comments

Many women find it challenging to receive for several reasons. A significant barrier to receiving is a sense of worthiness. This feeling of unworthiness is often unconscious, meaning women are not conscious aware that they think this way, but it shows up in their inability to fully receive compliments, help or gifts. Women will often deflect compliments, downplay the kindness shown to them, and feel obliged to give back when they are given to.