I’ve always prided myself on having high standards and knowing what I want in relationships. But recently, I was confronted with a truth I didn’t expect: I was speaking my standards but not standing for them.
This is the story of how I uncovered a deeper pattern—not just in relationships, but in other areas of my life—faced old fears, and chose to honor my standards in the face of intense chemistry and connection.
When I started dating him, the chemistry was undeniable. Our connection felt electric, and I found myself looking forward to every moment we shared. But between those moments, his silence spoke volumes.
A week passed without a word. Then he texted, casually asking if we could get together. No apology, no explanation—just an assumption that I’d say yes.
I said no. Several times. But eventually, I agreed to meet—not to fall back into the same dynamic, but to share what I needed to move forward: More communication, more connection, and respect for my time and energy.
When we met, I laid it all out. He listened but didn’t truly hear me. And yet, I stayed in the dynamic, convincing myself that speaking my truth was enough. But it wasn’t. I wasn’t standing for what I had asked for.
As I reflected on my choices, I started to see the same pattern appearing elsewhere in my life.
With my mentor, I would share feedback about what wasn’t working, but I wouldn’t enforce it. I let the act of speaking my truth feel like enough, even when my requests weren’t fully honored.
This wasn’t just about my relationships—it was about how I was showing up in every dynamic. And the deeper truth? I was choosing connection over my own alignment because I feared being “too much.”
When I recognized the pattern, I asked myself the hard questions:
Naming the pattern wasn’t easy, but it was the first step toward changing it.
Here’s what this experience taught me:
Where in your life are you speaking your truth but not standing for it?
It’s not enough to express your needs—you have to honor them by holding others (and yourself) to those standards.
If you’ve noticed similar patterns, get curious:
The people and circumstances in your life are there to help you grow. When you recognize this, you can shift from tolerating to thriving.
This experience wasn’t just about him. It was about me. It showed me where healing was needed and gave me the opportunity to choose differently.
When I finally honored my standards, I discovered a new level of self-respect and alignment—and that’s a lesson I’ll carry with me in every area of my life.
Have you ever found yourself in an argument with your partner, wondering, Why don’t they just understand how I feel? Or maybe you’ve tried to help your partner through an emotional moment, only to have your well-meaning efforts backfire.
Have you ever wondered why some conversations with your partner flow effortlessly, while others feel like you’re speaking two completely different languages? Maybe you’ve felt unheard like your words didn’t land the way you wanted. Or maybe your partner seemed disengaged or frustrated, leaving you wondering what went wrong.
© 2022 Justine Baruch All rights reserved.
